Dreams be Dreams

Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself, it’s only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and
have you any dreams you’d like to sell?

—Stevie Nicks

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had some strange dreams. In one, I went to the airport with my sister to travel outside the U.S., and when we got there, I realized I had forgotten my passport. It was at home, and if I went back to get it, I’d surely miss my flight, and the trip would be (at best) delayed, if not ruined.

And in another, I was about to embark on a cruise, but I quite literally missed the boat. I chased after it — while carrying my dog in my arms, mind you — but I couldn’t reach the ship. Just as a yacht might, it slipped ever so slowly away, but far enough so that I couldn’t board the boat.

With each of these dreams, plus a couple others, I’d wake up startled, shaken, and sure that something was wrong. But I have no plans to leave the U.S. anytime soon or to go on a cruise. So what could these mean, I’d wonder? Were they a reminder to put my passport in a safe place or an admonishment not to frequently run so late to things?

Perhaps they were one or the other, or both. But even though those are both good reminders, or even guidance that I need, I had to imagine that my once peaceful sleep interrupted by these disconcerting dreams had to mean something more. Naturally, I did some research.

According to the Internet (hah!), the overwhelming assessment seemed to be that my dreams were related to stress. (Look, I don’t think it would take a rocket scientist or a psychic or even a psychologist to figure that one out.) Maybe I was having these dreams because I was (or am):

feeling overwhelmed with work — check
fearful of missing deadlines — check
questioning if I’m where I should be in life at this point — check, check, check

None of these interpretations really came as a surprise to me, but it did take my subconscious and some strange travel dreams to actually wake me up. I don’t know why I find that so ironic, and I’m not really certain I have a solution or a lesson here… at least not yet. But what do they say? Something about the first step in solving a problem is to recognize that it exists? So, here I am, doing just that.

I’m also trying to take a few minutes every day to find some peace and calm in a chaotic world — in one that is out of my control and also in one that is of my own creation. It might mean…

putting my phone away while drinking a cup of coffee and listening to my George Harrison record
closing my email to cook dinner while I catch up on the latest episode of Reply All (my favorite podcast)
telling clients or my boss that I can get something to them on Wednesday rather than working all weekend to deliver it Monday
even just sitting on a city bench with my sweet dog as people hurry by and we choose to go nowhere

It’s also trying to learn to give myself a break when I start comparing myself to my ‘peers’ who are married to hot husbands, have beautiful babies, own HGTV-style dream homes, carry business cards with VP attached to their names, and have abs that would make J.Lo jealous.

That’s the key to having it all:
stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like.

—Cindy Chupack

Yesterday, I was explaining to one of my closest friends that I felt silly posting pictures of my outfits when there are women who are skinnier, prettier or who have larger wardrobe budgets already doing this. She looked at me, in all seriousness, and said, “But you are the only one like you. No one else is you. No one has your exact style, and that is enough. You are enough.”

That’s a pretty cool thought. And man, if we could all remember that, maybe we’d each sleep just a little bit better.